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Body Positivity Walk 2019

BoPoWalk day 30: Staaken to Berlin Hauptbahnhof (final goal)

Distance: 17,5 km

Speed: 5,5 kmph

Time: 3h10m

Soundtrack: Did You Give the World some Love Today Baby by Doris

I AM DONE! There’ll no doubt be many afterthoughts in the next days or weeks that I hope to share with you, but I’d like to at least give a quick summation and my first thoughts to wrap up the “on the road” part of the project.

Today my plan was to meet J at Berlin Hauptbahnhof, and there were some mixed messages about his arrival time due to train confusion, which led me to have a long and leisurely lunch at a caf├ę – eating lunch indoors, what a luxury! – and then basically running the last 3 km because he’d already arrived and I was so excited I tried to magic the traffic lights green (with mixed success…).

It was a rainy and stormy day but cleared up after the first few hours, and I found myself just walking around with a big smile on my face.

When I arrived at the hauptbahnhof, after the initial long hugs and PDAs the heady, giddy laughter bubbled up in me again and I walked around in kind of a dazed state, laughing maniacally. Trying to take in the enormity of what I had just done (again with mixed success), and trying to take in the enormity of Berlin and all the people. Guys, Berlin is huge.

And now, here I am, freshly bathed (though sadly not as nicely dressed as I would like as J didn’t manage to bring most of my normal people clothes – though I am wearing jeans for the first time in a month or so, and it feels pretty good) and in a beautiful hotel room (with a tub!) that I only have to leave in order to get food. Tomorrow I don’t have to walk anywhere unless I want to. Nor the day after, nor the day after.. I don’t have pack up all my belongings and try to remember where I’ve been and where I’m going. It’s been a wild ride and a crazy adventure, and I’m still sort of landing…

Some initial thoughts though, about my body. It is truly amazing. I mean I’ve proclaimed to be body positive for a good while, heck I even built a business on it – and I stand by that – but this experience has definitely taken that to another level for me. Like, I know myself so much better and so much more intimately than before. I know, I love, I respect every freaking millimetre. I really don’t think I could ever feel disappointed by my body again. So here’s to you, my incredible, soft, strong, tough, flexible body, for carrying me through all this. I love you.

Also, I am not a small woman. I have at times in my life been skinny (though that was sometimes also due to ED). I am fairly strong and fit, because I enjoy moving my body and testing its limits, but I have by no means always been this way. And I just want to say that you should never let anyone tell you you cannot do something because of the weight or the shape of your body. Or because of your gender, or any other seemingly limiting quality. Because if I can do this you sure as hell can go after those goals and dreams of yours, in your current, wonderful body, that doesn’t need to shrink or grow or become fitter or better – it just needs your love and respect. And it has earned it.

Don’t let your dreams be dreams. And don’t ever let anyone body shame you – least of all yourself.

And now it’s time for tapas. Peace out!

 

 

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Body Positivity Walk 2019

Sarah and the accidental rest day

So, today I was going to take the train across the river and only have to walk about 7-8 km, however through a misunderstanding I got picked up by my hosts at the train station. Either they didn’t understand that my intention was to walk (it’s kind of hard to explain without additional context why I’d choose to walk with Voldie in the rain when they can drive me in a few minutes – actually even with context it’s a bit hard to grasp for some), or they just thought I was being overly polite when I said that I would walk from the station, because there they were. And then it quite frankly seemed rather rude and unnecessary to decline. So I skipped another 7 km and gave mister blister some more time to calm the eff down. And they let me use their washing machine, so I once again have clean clothes. I’m not exactly complaining…

However, I do fully intend to walk the last 100 km or so over the next 5 days. This is not the preamble to me taking public transport the rest of the way, I assure you. I am admittedly getting rather sick of walking and being on the move every day, and I’m not looking forward to the rain that’s predicted for the remaining time (I have been very fortunate with the weather so far though), but I am very motivated to see it through. “I wanted to walk to Berlin but then I sort of walked to Stendal and couldn’t be bothered anymore” doesn’t really have the same ring to it.. ­čśë

But through the kindness of strangers I am dry, clean and relatively well rested for one more day. Which is not a bad thing…

I’ve actually wanted to say something about the kindness of strangers and about human contact for a while, but I’ve been too tired to do writing outside of daily updates.

I have of course alluded to my loneliness and how nice it has been to stay with certain people and be welcomed into their homes, but I have more to say on this subject.

I thought it was going to be easy to be mostly alone. Actually, at first I thought I maybe wasn’t going to be mostly alone – because as you may remember I started this whole project encouraging others to come and walk with me. And while I hadn’t expected that to be a daily occurrence I was sort of hoping it would last more than the very first day.

Regardless, as an introvert and HSP who enjoys quiet and her own company, I thought even if people don’t come along I’ll be fine. And I am, kinda. I mean I’m definitely talking to myself more than before, and to bugs and cows and trees and such (still totally normal, right?). And it’s coming up on 4 o’clock in my current flat now with just me and my tinnitus and not another sound of voices, cars, church bells or even birds (maybe because of the rain?) and it does feel ever so slightly weird.

In my normal life, back home – that seems to have taken place in a time and galaxy far, far away by now – I spend quite a lot of time at home, and don’t go out and do things very often. And that’s just fine and dandy, because I need and like a lot of alone time/downtime. But I do always have 3 cats around, and of course J is usually not far off (upstairs, in front of his computer.. ), so I still get my basic social needs met quite easily.

Because we are all social animals – even us introverts. I’m definitely not longing for a party, but a proper face to face chat with a good friend (and a hug) would be nice. Even when I stay in cities, and am not wandering through the woods alone, my interactions are usually limited to buying food or checking in and out of places I’m staying.

I noticed many years ago already how meaningful and important just small interactions with other human beings who are kind and friendly can be. I was super stressed at the airport for one reason or other, but every person I met, at the check-in, at security, at the kiosk etc., were just nice, and smiled and helped me. And by the time I was ready to board my flight I felt completely fine again, even happy.

Because of this I also realised what kind of impact me and my mood potentially have on others, and what kind of impact I’d like to have. I started making more of an effort to always be friendly and smile to anyone I was dealing with, be it in shops or at my work. In fact I once had an evaluation at work where my boss said it was so great to work with me because no matter what was going on I was always friendly and cheerful. Believe me, that’s really NOT the case. However, I do strive to be positive and friendly in professional interactions and in interactions with strangers (family and friends too of course, but they do get to see behind the mask for better or for worse), because I know how important it can be. That doesn’t mean you can never have a bad day. But I recommend as much as possible to not take it out on others (novel idea, I know).

So, now that I’m quite done patting myself on the back for my positive influence on others, let’s talk about others positive influence on me.

I’ve talked already about my lovely stays in Quakenbr├╝ck, at the farm in the tiny house, and in Celle, where I was welcomed into the homes of strangers and made wonderful connections and had interesting conversations about life, dreams and passions. But even small interactions like a chat with a man walking his dog who thought it was really cool that I was walking to Berlin, or this older cycling couple I met in the woods that complimented me on my German (yes, really!.. ), have a big impact on my mood and my sanity during a long day of solitary walking.

So, I notice over and over again how important connection and kindness is. Exactly how this will play a role in my future I am not sure, but I must share more of myself with others and open myself to connecting with them.

And, as they say – you never know what someone else is going through, so be kind – always.

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Body Positivity Walk 2019

BoPoWalk day 21: Ehra to Neuferchau

Distance: 23 km

Speed: 4,6 kmph

Time: 5h3m

Soundtrack: Symphony No 9 by Ludwig van Beethoven

Ladies and gentlemen, today was a walk in the park!

Not literally, it was still 23 km and took me through some fields, some woods, along some roads, etc., before I reached my destination. But, it was EASY.

I was saying to people yesterday that the distance doesn’t really matter because at some point the legs are all just too long and the last part sucks regardless. I’d like to amend that statement… It’s true, to an extent. But knowing I have 23 km instead of almost 10 km more definitely helps keep me motivated. There’s a myriad of other factors at play too – like weather, scenery, and mood, but distance matters too.

Today was warm and sunny (a bit too much almost without my cap), I walked through the woods a good bit, and I felt calm and present with little to no anxiety. And for the second day in a row, all the paths were where they’re supposed to be.

Another thing that definitely helps is having fewer blisters. I only have one big fat one left now, that’s been invading territory left and right like a greedy little dictator on the inside of my heel. But this morning I put a Compeed bandaid over it, and it’s honestly a world of difference from generic store brand ones. I’m not being paid to say this (but Compeed if you’re reading this, feel free to contact me for an endorsement ;-), it’s just fact. I won’t say it’s pain free but it is SO MUCH BETTER.

And… I don’t think I could have had today without yesterday. There’s been this anxiety that’s been building up that I have had to try and control a little bit in order to be able to go on at all, but I think maybe the dam needed to burst. It was like a cleansing, a katharsis, and today I woke up and was ready to move on. So yesterday was hard, but perhaps necessary.

I’m not saying it’s all sunshine and rainbows from hereon out, and I have two slightly longer days ahead of me again now, but I definitely feel much more optimistic. And I am once again comforted by the fact that my last 6 days are all under 25 km.

And guys, it’s day 21, meaning I’m over 2/3rds of the way there. Two days ago I saw my first road sign for Berlin. 9 more days, one of which is rest, and 6 of which are less than 25 km. I can totally do this!

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Body Positivity Walk 2019

BoPoWalk day 20: Hohne to Ehra

Distance: 32 km

Speed: 4,7 kmph

Time: 6h44m

Soundtrack: Fix You by Coldplay

I’m kinda liking this aesthetic I have going with beautiful idyllic pictures of nature juxtaposed with me whining about my feet and how lonely I am. Aren’t you? No? Well too bad, it’s my project and I’ll whine if I want to…

I actually did have quite a bit of woodsy quiet bits today and I think every single forest path my app indicated I should take existed. Which is good, otherwise I would have been in trouble. So I guess I was right to trust the universe.

And right to trust my body too, because I’m here, I’m alive, and while not exactly kicking can still sort of hobble a little bit.

Today’s first challenge was dealing with anxiety. My already existing anxiety regarding if the map would be correct, and the added anxiety of various incidents that kind of compounded it. It’s been a bit of a weird day and I cried a lot (anyone who knows me well knows that I cry a lot normally, so this in itself is not alarming, though I’ve cried unusually little during this trip so I guess I had some saved up… )

I’ve not written in that much detail about travelling solo for this long with anxiety, and I don’t want to go into too much detail now either, as I still have 10 days left to go – and writing about it gives power to it.

But let’s just say that when you have some anxiety and a vivid imagination you may find yourself walking through the woods, heart hammering, cold sweat, needing the toilet, because somewhere in the distance you hear what you believe is rifles going off, and there was a roped off piece of path nearby. Nevermind the fact that you with your bright pink coat can not be easily mistaken for say a deer or a bird, particularly not when insistently humming to yourself – there could be an accident. And let’s not forget about that one episode of Criminal Minds (or actually, let’s.. ) – maybe someone out there in the woods *wants* to shoot me? And then you may find yourself going past a creepy (abandoned?) building enclosed by a tall barbed wire fence with a hole in it, and you may construct a story about an escaped criminally insane lunatic roaming the woods. You know, normal, soothing stuff like that.

It probably doesn’t help that I haven’t felt completely in myself today. It actually started last night when I thought I was getting sick. And I’ve been feeling this heavy fog in my head, a dizzyness, lack of presence, startled by insects, creaking doors, let alone the thought of escaped mental patients. You’d think the walking would help bring the presence back, but it just didn’t really. I also did some energy tapping under way (as I often do) to try and centre myself, but it also didn’t have as much of an effect as it usually does.

And I just kept seeing weird things. Like this cage/shed with a lock on it and a weird machine inside, a statue of a bear (yes I’m sure it was a statue) in front of a hanging canvas in the middle of nowhere, these eerie looking trees…

It was just not a day conducive to good mental health. So I sat down under a tree and bawled into my bag of baby carrots, as I’m sure we’ve all done at some point in our lives.

And then I cried some more on the bathroom floor and in the shower. I think I’m just exhausted. And starting to miss my man and my cats (and my house) terribly.

The thing is, the walking is painful and it’s hard, but I’ve been doing it so long now that I’m almost convinced I can just continue doing it. It’s everything around it that’s doing my head in.

That being said I did still find moments of joy in the stillness and beauty of the forest and the smell of the pine trees (or as J would have said: “oooh, Christmas trees!” – I really miss you, man… ). But maybe not as much as I would have with 25 km less to walk, a smaller pack and a companion.

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Body Positivity Walk 2019 Mental health and BoPo articles

Intermezzo: Intuitive Eating on the road

I wrote something about this on my previous rest day, but WordPress decided it was a good idea to delete the whole text, and frankly I haven’t had time or energy since to write a new version.

In the meantime I’m 5 days further in, so I also have 5 days more experience. ­čśë

I’m sitting here in my cosy quarters in Celle, looking at the rain falling against the window and enjoying the comforts of inside. Like heating, plumbing, comfy seats and shelter from the weather. It’s funny the things you take for granted when you don’t spend most of the day outside and on your feet.

So, intuitive eating is something I’ve been practicing and preaching for a while now – I was nevertheless curious to see how this journey would affect it and how I would feel both mentally and physically about what I’ve been eating.

Not surprisingly, I’ve been very hungry, and my body seems happy as long as it is getting enough food. I do probably have at least a slight energy deficit most days, but have generally felt both satisfied and nourished by my meals.

When I started out I was bracing myself for a lot of junk food and cheese sandwiches. On the latter front I was pretty spot on. I’ve been packing lunches from hotel breakfasts or similar almost every day, and cheese sandwiches are then one of the easiest things to take with me that are both vegetarian and relatively filling. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t crave a bit more variety, but peanut butter is not the staple food in Germany that it is in the Netherlands. Sometimes I throw a Nutella sandwich in the mix for those sweet cravings. And mostly I have an apple with me. And my stash of nuts and dried fruit.

Dinners have been very mixed – from the leftover slice of bread, chunk of cheese and tomato I had a few days ago when I was too tired to leave my room, to the culinary feast I had at an Italian restaurant last night. And there have been a couple of (delicious) pizzas.

I have not had a single salad since I started walking. That being said I do try to take care to get some vegetables with my meals and put for instance cucumber, tomato and pepper fruit on my sandwiches. Overall I’m probably eating a bit less veg than I would normally, but at the end of a long day of walking I just do not want a salad. If it’s on the side of a burger or some fish, that’s OK, but by itself, absolutely not. I crave warm, rich, comforting foods.

How am I feeling, physically and mentally about my food choices? Pretty good. If anything I would say that with this walk I am learning to eat even more intuitively and judge my choices less. Simply because the hunger is clear, the need is clear, the signals I am getting from my body about what it wants are unambiguous, and I just listen.

Normally in life we have a lot of interference in our relationship with food. From what others think of our choices, what we read and hear from so-called experts to what we can afford and what meets our moral and ethical standards, and so much more.

But the walking washes away all the bullshit and everything that is not important*, until only the essence is left. I feel every part of myself, physically and emotionally. I just am.

I am human. I need food, I need rest, I need shelter, I need movement, I need love and compassion. And when I tune in to these needs, respect them and meet them, I am OK. I am more than OK. I am whole.

*I don’t mean to imply that it’s wrong or indeed bullshit to make food choices based on morals, ethics, money, health, comfort etc., but what I mean to say is that it can be quite useful to get back to the basics of what food is, and just listen to what the body wants and what feels good and learn from that. Which is how I believe intuitive eating should start.

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Body Positivity Walk 2019

BoPoWalk day 17: Marklendorf to Celle

Distance: 27,5 km

Speed: 5,2 kmph

Time: 5h20m

Soundtrack: Stormy Weather by The Kooks

I sure can walk fast when I know a rest day is coming!

It wasn’t only that though, I opted for walking along the main road again as I didn’t have the patience nor the feet for detours, and there were few opportunities to sit down. Also, around 3 o’clock there was a scary amount of wind. A dust storm blew up from a field across from me and I had to walk with my sunglasses on, hood up and hands covering most of my face to not be blinded. I was a bit worried it was unsafe to walk, as I felt the wind tug at my pack and saw the trees nearly bending over. I considered hopping on a bus, but decided to risk it, just walk faster to get it over with, and I ended up being fine. It’s a reminder to look at wind strength when checking the forecast going forward – autumn is the season for strong winds, and if there are weather warnings I will have to try and find alternate transportation. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

I am glad I got to Celle early though, because guys… Getting here.. It has just been so amazing. Not only do I have a lovely, cozy and spaceous room here with a lovely host, but it has it’s own bathroom – with a tub! I was not expecting that. Another thing I was not expecting was that my host has puppies. 9 of them! They’re only 3,5 weeks old and soooo cute and soft and tiny and fluffy.. And well, all the good things. Here is some video evidence:

But wait… There’s more!

There’s also fresh laundry as got to borrow a washer and dryer instead of doing laundry in small and crappy hotel sinks.

But wait… There’s more!

After a bubble bath and some puppy cuddles I was in desperate need of dinner, and planned to go to a cheap Greek place up the street. But it was closed. So was the second nearest restaurant. And the only other one that was close had an Italian name so I figured it was a pizzeria (German’s are big on pizza, and actually they do make pretty good ones), so I thought fine I’ll have pizza. But when I got there I realised it was a fancy-pants high class restaurant. But I just could not face any more walking. And considering the microwave dinner I had last night and the leftover bread and cheese in my lonely hotel room the night before, I decided I could splurge. I even had a little bit of wine with my food for the first time since I started this walk. And it was soo good (the food and the wine), and I just felt amazing. And I realised I have already changed.

Not that long ago I would not have considered going into a place like that by myself, let alone in leggings, bright pink sneakers and a long sleeve t-shirt (no makeup, hair in disarray…). But now I could not give two figs. I wanted food. They had it. It was delicious. I felt comfy and happy. The end.

And guys, I just feel so… Good. Happy. And it’s such a relief after struggling quite a bit most of this journey.

I know there will still be challenges ahead, including but not limited to a few more long days with blisters and all the mental mind games that come with this insane venture. But right now I am happy. Tonight I am victorious. And tomorrow I can rest.

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Body Positivity Walk 2019

BoPoWalk day 15: Balge to Steimbke

Distance: 24 km

Time: 5h18m

Speed: 4,5kmph

Soundtrack: Highway to Hell by AC/DC

On paper today was an easy day (it was even supposed to be 23km but the app fucked with me again and since I was in no mood to go crashing through the forest ├á la recherche de chemins perdus I decided to backtrack a bit instead). Though of course with the toll of the previous two long days, it wasn’t really.

I started feeling the pain in my feet from quite early on, and though I prefer 23 degrees and sun over rain, for walking along the dusty highways of who-gives-a-fuck, Germany with Voldie on my back, it was a little much. Also my very fetching, bright red Media Markt cap was gone with the wind about 5 km in.

And at the end of a long day I reached an empty hotel with a closed restaurant, and had to be given instructions over the phone for how to let myself in. Have just had a – if I say so myself – rather sad dinner of leftover bread and cheese and tomato from my lunch, with a few nuts, because I simply cannot face putting on shoes and going outside again tonight.

At this point I’d like to point out, dear readers, that you always get End-of-the-day-Sarah, who is always tired, often disillusioned and has just had enough of this shit already. Beginning-of-the-day-Sarah and even Middle-of-the-day-Sarah are a lot more positive and cheerful. BOTD Sarah had an amazing breakfast out of things made or grown on the farm, then she got a tour of the crops, got to see a goat being milked (manually), and had a very inspiring and uplifting conversation with Oliver the Farmer. Oliver the Farmer was not born into the farming life. No, he is trained as a locksmith, and worked as one for 25 years before deciding there must be more to life than a boring job in the city day in and day out, so he bought a farm and left his job, and lives happily, quietly, modestly, ever after. I WANT ME SOME OF THAT. And it gives me hope that this kind of radical life change and career change can lead to the happier and more fulfilled life that I am longing for, working for. Traipsing through Germany for.

MOTD Sarah often thinks of inspiring and uplifting things she’s going to write later in her blog, but EOTD Sarah just isn’t having it.

MOTD Sarah finds joy in unexpected ice cream (or, surpricecream as she likes to call it), when not 10 minutes ago she’d been thinking “if only there was somewhere here seemingly in the middle of nowhere that sold ice cream”. And then like a mirage in the desert, a caf├ę appears. But unlike a mirage it stays put.

EOTD Sarah grudgingly admits it was handy she found that ice cream so she had some leftovers over her lunch to eat for dinner, but she is no longer full of the miracle that is finding ice cream in the middle of the desert of the mind.

So, hopefully this PSA will help you feel a little bit better about where I am and what I’m doing. Please have patience with and kindness for EOTD Sarah, she’s just so very tired. And her feet are so very sore.

Oh and one additional cheery announcement: today is half-way day! It’s day 15 out of 30 which means I’m officially (time wise) half way to Berlin. And distance wise I should be over half way already as I have 4 30+ days behind me, only 2 ahead, and my last 6 days are all under 25. Take heart, followers, take heart EOTD Sarah – it will be OK.

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Body Positivity Walk 2019

BoPoWalk day 11: Quakenbr├╝ck to Vechta

(Yesterday’s post, as WordPress didn’t publish when scheduled)

Distance: 27,5 km

Time: 5h20m

Speed: 5,1 kmph (yeah, that’s right!)

Soundtrack: Superman by Deluxe

So I already knew yesterday that I wasn’t going to give up – because I didn’t start this whole project just to give up the first time things got really hard. What I *didn’t* know was how much better I was going to do/feel today. The miracle of human contact, indeed. I must give some credit to my couchsurfing hosts for the lovely evening and conversation we had, and of course to Emmy the dog!

Other factors that probably contributed were my motivation to make it to Vechta before it started raining (I almost made it in time, the rain was early – but so was I), and to get to a place I didn’t have to leave again the very next morning.

But I really did move at an astounding pace for being me, so I think there was some magic involved somewhere. Or that I’m secretly superwoman. Maybe it was exactly that I had felt the low, the struggle, the dread yesterday and had come out the other side determined to fight again that spurred me on.

I also had a day of walking on an asphalt bike path along the road almost the whole way, but I was actually fine with it because I just wanted to get on with the walking and it meant I didn’t have to think about where I needed to go very often, and my feet didn’t get wet.

I did see some beautiful buildings on my way out of Quakenbr├╝ck though, which according to my hosts are a tourist draw and I can understand why.

And tomorrow there is absolutely nothing that I have to do. I don’t have to pack, I don’t have to set an alarm, I don’t have to mount Voldie (as I’ve lovingly/hatingly named my pack) on my back. I may go out and have a look around and get some postcards, if there’s anything to see in Vechta. Then again I may also stay in bed all day and watch Netflix on my phone or read LotR. What luxury!

Friday I have to walk 36,5 km, and Saturday 34. But that’s future Sarah’s problem. And if I can do that and not fall down, I am pretty sure I’m going to make it to Berlin.

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Body Positivity Walk 2019

BoPoWalk day 10: Herzlake to Quakenbr├╝ck (take 2)

What follows is a more or less faithful (memory permitting) recap of yesterday’s post and feeling – that WordPress mysteriously erased:

Distance: 26 km

Today I wanted to quit. For the first time for real. The rainy highways of Flevoland may have temporarliy broken my spirit, but it wasn’t real then – I still went home at the end of the day. It is real now. And I felt the hopelessness and desperation in my soul and in my bones. I collapsed on a bench in front of a train station and started crying.

And the funny thing is, it hadn’t been a bad day – not really. When I called J in tears saying I didn’t want to do this anymore, he said “but I thought you had a nice day based on the pictures you sent me”. And I did, kind of. I walked for a long time through a lovely bit of quiet forest and I saw lots of animals.

But my feet were wet most of the day from the dewey grass, and I have a blister on the side of my foot where the insole meets the shoe that has been gradually growing. And my left shoulder has been really sore. General aches and pains pretty much throughout my feet, legs and back. I am just so tired, and every day it seems a little harder. And the thought of doing it again tomorrow, and then after a short break again and again and again.. Just sort of broke me.

After some stretching and venting and talking myself down off the ledge I – at J’s suggestion – went to have some Thai food across the street which provided some instant comfort.

And then my lovely couch surfing host came by on her way home from work and picked me up, so I didn’t have to walk the last 500 meters. Bliss.

And then… I was welcomed into the home of two beautiful souls, and we spent the evening chatting about life, adventures and travelling, until I started to feel like a human being again. I was hesitant about the fact that I was going to stay with strangers, given the frame of mind I was in, but almost as soon as I entered I felt like a welcome friend. And I think the miracle of human contact was exactly what I needed tonight. The road can get awfully lonely.

Also, they have the happiest little doggie on earth, who gave me a very enthusiastic greeting – and if that doesn’t warm the cockles of your heart you either have a severe dog allergy or you’re dead inside.

I’m still not feeling ready or able for tomorrow, but tons better than a few hours ago. One day at a time, eh?

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Body Positivity Walk 2019

BoPoWalk day 4: Kampen Zuid to Nieuwleusen (reverse)

Predicted distance: 30 km
Actual distance: 30,5 km
Time: 6h 40m
Speed: 4,6 kmph
Soundtrack: Set Fire to the Rain by Adele

So yes I didn’t reverse yesterday but decided to do it today as heavy rainfall was predicted and frankly the less time I have to sit with wet clothes on public transport, the better. And boy was that a good idea!

Not only because there was indeed a lot of rain, but – as those who have seen my IG post will know, it gave me a much needed positive start to the day after feeling kind of down and out last night.

I started out walking along a beautiful country road, where there were cute thatched houses with shutters for the windows and apple trees and flowers in the gardens, even several enclosures of grazing and frolicking deer. And that good old bastion of Dutchness – the windmill (but the cute old-fashioned kind this time):

deer2thatched housewindmill

Basically it was a Dutch Disney movie.

And I am thankful that I got my fairytale moment (or hour actually), because things got a lot worse from there.

My feet are giving me more and more trouble every day, so the pain starts in earlier, and I spent hours hobbling along the motorway in the rain. It was… Rough. I’m sort of rethinking the rain poncho, as though it does let me move more freely than a full jacket and pants, it is also quite open, and in this windy country that leaves me a little more exposed than I’d like. So I pretty much got completely soaked. And after hours of that, when it finally stopped, and I was starting to get dry again, one final shower came down just before I reached the train station as a fuck you.

But, I survived this too. And every day I get through, I feel a little stronger, and a little surer that I can do this. I’m still hoping that the transformation will come, and that at some point it stops getting harder – and, dare I say it? Maybe even gets easier? That being said I have yet to walk a full day with my big pack. And my feet now hurt so bad that my gait is starting to resemble that of Tom, the hobbling barkeep of the Leaky Cauldron.

On the third hand, I didn’t think I was going to make it through yesterday, or today…

Oh, and in case this weather left anyone in doubt – autumn has definitely begun:

pumpkins.jpeg